So I was asked a question today by one of my fellow trainers: “which trainer do you hate most?” well of course if someone at any point in time asks me a question I answer simply, mostly because a) I hate it when people are in my head and b) because no one gives a shit anyways.
And because of these two circumstances I answered with “I don’t have the capacity to hate anyone, I just strongly dislike them.”
That sentence is probably the truest thing that has ever come out of my mouth, but its only half of what I view as hatred. Also I just let everyone think that I hate everybody, which is also a half truth.
When I am wronged by someone then I take that hatred that should be spent on them, and put it upon myself, I bottle up my hatred like many people do and just let it settle into the back of my mind, see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, do no evil. Or something Like that… no wait.. I think out of sight, out of mind would fit better. Yeah that’s the one, silly me, any-who.
I always take the hatred and let it sit like a fine bottle of wine, and there it stays until I can’t take it anymore and just breakdown, even then, its still all my fault, every second of it. I’m not sure why I curse myself with this but I do, I guess it has something to do with me always being the outcast, which I see as my fault, its my fault no one likes me and its my fault I can’t fit in, merely because I’m different.
I guess the moral of the story is, don’t hate other people, but don’t let it get to the point where you are having meltdowns just because something happened. It will only hurt you in the end, like it does me.
